Personal Dharma & Difficult Decisions
Life sometimes feels like series of decision doorways, doesn’t it?
At times, life is simple and your next move is clear.
In Sanskrit we have the term dharma, which essentially means that which upholds the cosmic order. And then sva-dharma, which is “self-dharma”. Sva-dharma is your own personal role as a contributor to the whole order.
The complicated truth is that no one has “one dharma”.
Life is a convergence of complicated & interconnected roles and demands that often multiple doorways seem right at the same time.
About the past few weeks...
Like you, I carry multiple roles. I’m a mother, wife, teacher, sādhaka, grandaughter, daughter, sister and friend. Each of these roles carries a myriad of responsibilities.
Each role and its responsibilities are like different threads that weave the tapestry of your life.
This month two powerful threads have been tugging in different directions. One is my role as a granddaughter, the other is my role as a mother.
"Birth and death are a door through which we go in and out. Birth and death are a game of hide-and-seek. So smile to me and take my hand and wave good-bye. We shall always be meeting again at the true source, Always meeting again on the myriad paths of life.”― Thích Nhất Hạnh,
At the same time, a circumstance with children and their schooling was holding me at home.
I felt pulled in two directions, and struggling with the human limitation of not being able to be in two locations at the same time.
Two facets of my dharma in seeming competition.
And no clear “right” answer appeared magically before me.
But I know from experience to take my guru’s advice and “walk around the situation”. So I took time, and I surrounded myself with the three resources that always carry me through: Wisdom Teachings, Vedic Astrology and Devotional Practice.
“Arjuna sat down on the back of the chariot, cast aside his weapons and said, 'I am overcome. I am confused about my duty. Please tell me that which is truly better for me to do.'" ~ Bhagavad Gītā
The Bhagavad Gītā
When wisdom teachings like the Bhagavad Gītā are installed in your heart, they are with you at all times.
It is because of the the Gītā that while I was struggling with the decision, I wasn’t suffering.
The knowledge of the Bhagavad Gītā
You see, the Bhagavad Gītā is a Dharma Scripture.
It’s a guidebook for householders whose varied desires and roles can appear to be in conflict.
You can’t be in two places at once, or pursue two goals at once, or please everyone all the time – not even yourself. And so you find yourself in a cycle of feeling confused, inadequate, and dissatisfied.
This confusion is called “samsara”, which is often translated as suffering.
And dharma confusion catalyzes the entire teaching of the Bhagavad Gītā.
In a a nutshell, Arjuna says to Krishna, “I see two possible choices, and both seem right. I don’t know what to do! And regardless of my choice, I fear I will feel just as dissatisfied and inadequate as I do right now!”
Krishna proceeds to unfold teachings in how to navigate complexity, how to commit to wise choices, and how to alchemize our actions into a path of spiritual growth.
The teachings of the Gītā allowed me to see that:
This was not a crisis, just a momentary dharma confusion
I can take my time to remember my values and my responsibilities and find my way to the right choice.
There are different ways to take action that fulfill one’s roles
There is spiritual value in the confusion, the process and the action.
Knowledge, good counsel, wise action and devotion are the remedy.
Jyotiṣa [Vedic Astrology]
‘Oh system of Jyotiṣa, you are here as a resource of inquiry for the aid all beings who seek your wisdom!" - Bṛhat Pārāśāra Horā
Jyotiṣa has been a guiding light in my life for more than 20 years. It is the system I use for most big decisions in life. Jyotish truly helps me navigate doing the right things at the right time as much as possible.
In discussion the current cosmic configurations with my husband, Vedic Astrologer Michael Manzella, my pathway became clear.
We weren’t looking at my individual horoscope.
We were looking at the overriding current astrological arrangements in preparation for the September Tea & Jyotish session. In that process, I began to see the ways in which I could prioritize the two threads, make a choice, and yet still satisfy my roles & responsibilities.
Omens are also a part of jyotish, and so as I was sitting with the decision, I watched and listened. In the end it was my grandmother herself who gave me the omen in a loving conversation with her.
I couldn’t be in two places at the same time. But I began to see how I could commit to one location & prioritize one role, yet fulfill my other role in ways I hadn’t previously considered.
Once I let go of one of the threads and no longer felt pulled, I found my way toward an alternative way to fulfill that role.
Devotional Practice
“Oh goddess, I bow to you. You know everything and frighten away wrongdoing. You remove all sorrows and worries. You provide intelligence and keep the whole universe in your great womb. I pray to you to drive away misfortune and bless us with auspiciousness." ~ Mahālakṣmi Aṣṭakam
Mantra recitation and prayer to the goddess sustained me over the last 18 years, ever since I first began chanting the Mahālakṣmi Aṣṭakam. I go to the goddess for divine insight & invervention.
I pour my heart out to her, I tell her everything and I listen.
I went to my altar while I was struggling with the decision. I asked her to help make it clear in whatever way she could. I asked her to soothe my heart either way. I asked her to protect my loved ones and to guide me in my roles with them.
Decision-Making: Mystical Meets Practical
‘Oh divine mother, you are manifest even in the form of confusion. I bow to you, I bow to you, eternally I bow." - Devī Mahatmya
The decision making process is a spiritual alchemy in which we clarify our values, our roles, our relationship with people and with the divine.
Tears were shed in the cauldron of decisions, but so was confusion.
Coming through difficult decisions with doubtlessness is one of the greatest gifts that this tradition can give.
And this is what I am in service of.
I know that your life is better, when you can make decisions with grace, and that when you become doubtless with the grace of these divine systems of support the world is a better place.
My hope is that this story gives you hope, that even decision-making can offer a profound opportunity for growth when you have wisdom, guidance & devotion as your dear friends.
Devotion, Bhagavad Gītā and Jyotiṣa, these to me are the epitome of the mystical merging with the practical.
If one or more of these has resonated, please do join me for any or all of these programs which connect so deeply to this story.
In Loving Lakshmi on October 3rd we will seek the arms of Adi-Shakti, the Goddess in the form of Mahālakṣmi through stories, teachings & devotional chanting. This year I’m teaching a hymn that has been very dear to me for a long time.
In the Nectar of the Gītā, beginning October 18, we start our sacred pilgrimage through the full scripture of the Bhagavad Gītā, beginning with a retelling of the Mahābharata, and Arjuna’s great confusion on the battlefield. This is the 7th year of this program, and after this year, I will be putting this program on sabbatical for while.
In the Nectar of Time, experience sacred deliverance of monthly vedic astrology forecasts, sacred storytelling from the Puranas and guidance for the various vedic festivals of the year.
Join them all… or select what resonates for you most. And if you’re having trouble deciding 🙂 feel free to send me a note.
Questions for Kaya? Reach Out
Navarātri program: Stories & Mantras for Mahālakṣmi
In this iteration of Kaya’s annual Navarātri program, Kaya will share stories & teachings of Mahālakṣmi the supreme form of Lakṣmi. We will culminate the class with learning & recitation of the Mahālakṣmi Aṣṭakam, which Kaya has been chanting for 17 years, but has not taught until now.
This class is a devotional doorway to guide you in sādhana during Navarātri and the year to come.
Kaya's most comprehensive program in Dharma
